Match Reports
21/03/09
Brighton 5s 3-5 Men's 4th XI
This was a true age versus beauty battle as an ageing and crusty 5s side (sorry Matt , you were the exception) took on the spring lamb like 4s (sorry Bondy, you are the exception).
Sadly due to flu and general player indolence it was a ten a side match. This meant that there would be plenty of space for the players to exploit, technically.
The 4s gave a 4s debut to rising starlet young Chris Page who I mistakenly, and somewhat lazily, nicknamed Pagey. This will not do and we shall revert to Chris until a more appropriate name comes to mind.
The 5s were certainly more 'up for the fight' as the 4s team talk seemed to revolve around jokes and the perennial gawp at The Dobinator's pants which can't help anyone prepare for a game of this magnitude.
With an attacking formation we knew we would leave space at the back but in games like these it proves to be expansive, sadly this gave the 5s the opportunity they needed to score. Oh, that and Ramzy controlling the ball in the D with his foot before Tom Holt could score into the open net. Ramzy acknowledged the ball had hit his foot to both the 4s and 5s players. However he didn't quite manage to walk the 5 yards to the umpire to tell him. Ramzy admitted in the bar that he feared being lynched by his own team mates if he had come clean. Shame as this made for a rather fractious first half.
As words were said from both sides, things boiled over as Bondy and Thompo exchanged phone numbers from their handbags leading to them squaring up like 2 overweight chavvy footballers. Surely they should have known better .....
Happily hands were shaken at half time. Although, the incident was a disappointing example to the younger players on the park.
That said the game was end to end and quite entertaining. Thompo's midfield engine didn't last but Ben Williams and Tom were causing all sorts of problems to the 4s defence which at times hung on gamely. When the 4s had the ball we also looked dangerous and began to dominate possession. Thankfully Ramzy also continued his aversion to marking and gave us some space on the left, this was despite poor Matt Sale screaming himself hoarse imploring Ramzy to mark, not sure he ever made it to mark anyone but I salute Matt in his efforts.
The 4s finally got a goal back when Davros put the finishing touch to a flowing move (to be honest i've made that up, can't remember it at all). I do remember the relief. Was this pressure I was feeling? Yes, I think this game means more to me than I realised.
The 5s did not lie down and the ever annoying Ben W was bearing down on the goal again, as I prepared myself to lie down purposefully on the floor the mighty mighty Smithy caught the flying Williams and made the cleanest ever tackle to rob him of a definite goal. It really was brilliant and Ben acknowledged as much in the bar. Phew, I was relieved again.
1 all at half time and we had a game on our hands. The 5s came again and Ben W was yet again bearing down on the goal and I managed to make the inital save but Ben squeezed it under me to retain the lead. Oh no! Things were not going well. The Dobinator continued to spray passes to all corners of the pitch, sadly where no players were. Would this game, of all games, be the one we lose!? As despair was creeping into my world I had not factored in two beautiful things, Chris Page and Davros. These two players began to get into their pomp. Chris started to torment the 5s left flank and work chances into the D. From one such chance Davros found himself on his reverse side again and he rifled in a smashing shot to bring us back level.
I never thought I'd say this but fitness began to tell and poor Ben W was sent high up to annoy me with some heavy breathing. The 4s began to work it well and Smithy was sending through some amazing balls. One such aerial was greatly enjoyed by umpire Cameron and he orgasmically exhaled 'That is gorgeous...' as the pass arched its way downfield. Such appreciation of hockey I have never seen before. Makes up for Manchester United I suppose.
The 5s also had their master of the aerial ball, Swampy, who sent down a howitzer towards our Wrighty. Wrighty called for and went to control it. Now this is where his technique is different than the majority of players. Most players would use their stick. Not our Wrighty, he would prefer to utilise the soft collection of dangly items to be found in his underpants to cushion the balls descent. This in turn may have caused some damage to some other balls and Wrighty reacted in a Rooney-esque manner and hurled the ball at the fence. Luckily the spectators (Anah and Chris Page's Dad) weren't standing there. Not sure what would've happened had he been stood in the wrong place. Still a very amusing passage of play.
Back to the game and a penalty flick was awarded and dispatched by Davros to give him his hat-trick and, for the first time in the match, us the lead.
We continued to push and the lead was extended via Chris and Davros again to 4-2, a flattering scoreline perhaps but the pressure and ability was beginning to tell.
There was still time for more controversy as again the 5s attacked through the shapes of Tom and Ben and once again I was beaten only for Captain Dan (he isn't the captain) to save the shot on the line 'WITH HIS STICK!' It again was a shame that all 20 players knew it wasn't a penalty flick but only ten told the umpires. The poorly struck penalty flick was good enough to sneak under my poorly placed stick and the gap was back to one goal, would there be a barnstorming finish? This was threatened but The Dobinator was able to wobble in the D from a short corner and able to finish strongly under Matt S to again restore our 2 goal cushion. And so the game was played out and victory was ours.
Back to the clubhouse for beer and voting and while Smithy and Davros had strong shouts for man of the match the award was given to debutant Chris Page who had an excellent match, especially the second half when he realised that he should play his normal game.
Dunce of the day was a shoe in with Wrighty's esoteric ball control technique. I hope Mrs Wrighty wasn't too disappointed.
Despite all the above (4 goals for Davros, Cameron's moment, two penalty flicks, dodgy goals, Chris Page) I fear this game will be remembered for hand bags and ball bags.
Thanks to Pete and Cameron for umpiring duties.
Team: Brooksy, Wrighty, Banaman, Smithy, Captain Dan, The Dobinator, Bondy, Chris 'No Nickname' Page, Big Will, Davros
Goals Scored:
Davros 4