Match Reports
21/02/09
Tulse Hill 1-2 Men's 1st XI
Brighton and Hove finished a dramatic day in style by winning 2-1 against Tulse Hill at “Fortress” Falmer on Saturday. Going into the game Brighton knew that this was the dictionary definition of a relegation “6 pointer” and that the outcome of the game could potentially determine the fate of their season as Tulse Hill had gained a surprise victory against Teddington the week before to move level on points with Brighton. Bearing in mind that it was squeaky bum time for Brighton Hughdini Salter spent the majority of the pre game talk reminding them that it was only another game and that if they stuck to their game plan of keeping Salter off the pitch and Turner on it then they would have a great chance of winning.
Brighton again started the game well and with Tulse Hill choosing to sit off and not press the ball high up the pitch it allowed them more time and space than they have had probably had all season, using this and the fact they now have a sweeper that chooses not to pass to the opposition centre forward Brighton switched the ball effectively and began to create spaces and chances for the forwards. However nobody from Brighton stepped up to the plate and converted any of the chances, the best of these fell to Mike “Lego-Hair, Mole on his Member” Merricks who missed an open goal from top D, rumour has it than he is practising his “scoring” each night at home but that he is using a hole much wider than the regulation 6ft to put his balls into.
Despite having the best of the game Brighton again went in at half time a goal down after a defensive mix up between the two flying wingbacks, a lack of communication between Roberto Carlos and Cafu resulted in neither of them handing each others player over to the other and both standing in the middle of the pitch looking at each other whilst the Tulse Hill forward went onto score a good goal from top D that Dave “knowing me, knowing Hugh” almost stopped by tipping onto the post, unfortunately it then came back and hit him before dribbling into the net. The goal has gone before Matt McNeill is his new role as chief officer of the dubious goals committee to determine whether It was an own goal or not. It must also be noted that this was the only shot Tulse Hill had all game so Dave is now officially worse than Andy Hare and paid 10 quid to pick the ball out of his net once.
Obviously downbeat at half time, it took an inspirational team talk from Hugh McSalter to get Brighton up for the 2nd half. The players were also conscious that their jazz loving, wrong vehicle defrosting manager’s recent ailment and stress levels would probably not be improved by them losing to the worst team in the league.
With Gareth stepping through from sweeper and forcing the midfield higher up the pitch Brighton exerted even more pressure on Tulse Hill during the second half and Tulse Hill rarely managed to get out of their own half with Brighton winning plenty of ball in good positions. It took a little while before Brighton forced the equaliser but a good move resulted in Deller slipping the ball to the far post where Greggy slotted home well putting in a showboat dive in the process. The new saff import has now taken his scoring record to 3 games on the bounce, although it’s open to debate whether or not you count his Wednesday night antics in the tally.
Spurred on by this Brighton continued to dominate and finally got their noses in front through Benny disposing the Tulse Hill centre half on his own 25 and then driving the ball into the D, he then wound up for the shot in slow motion Matrix style which eventually meant he shot from near the penalty spot and slotted into the near bottom corner having “sold” the keeper with eyes. No doubt there was also some psycho babble involved which made the Keeper think he was going the other way. This was a huge weight off Ahmed’s shoulders as he confessed that it is the first time he has scored in any aspect of his life in 2009 after Valentines Day went horribly wrong and he drank his Fiancé’s drink by accident.
With only a few minutes remaining the game developed into an end to end scrap as Tulse Hill looked to equalise and Brighton tried to kill the game off. Greggy somehow managed to miss two open goals laid on for him by Sambo as one of the better looking attack pairings in hockey contrived to keep the game alive in order to entertain the crowd. Rumour has it that there has been an influx of girls into the club since the two joined. Luckily despite trying hard Tulse Hill didn’t fashion any great chances and Brighton hung onto what could be the difference between safety and relegation come the end of the season.
Reflecting in the changing room afterwards Benny declared himself the saviour of the Men’s 1st XI and that he also would be attempting to turn water into snakebite later on at the club. Unfortunately this didn’t happen and the rest of the team minus the under 30’s made their way to Russ’s place for an impromptu victory celebration. Allegations that the pre 30 year olds were banned due to Moonie and Forsters previous behaviour were unfounded and the real reason is that to gain entry to the VIP area you needed to own a grey V neck.
Brighton’s next game is away at Staines, Ali G’s and Forsters home town. With any luck Brighton will take 3 points from the West Side and return home victorious, ayyyyyeeee!
Postscript : It appears that Tulse Hill were more disappointed with our clubhouse than the result .... seems they don't recognise character and atmosphere !
"Heads were down and this was further compounded by our post match tea in the Brighton Clubhouse, a leading contender in the infamous guide of hockey clubs to be steered clear of in the UK (for a number of reasons) - sorry Paul!"