Match Reports
01/03/09
Littlehampton 1s 1-5 Men's 4th XI
No Captain Brooksy this week so you’ll have to make do with a match report from me - big shoes to fill but I’ll do my best. A strange game for Brighton 4s this week, with a number of players not available, we were forced to play with 10 men. As well as the bald head of Brooks we also missed - Bondy, JC, Chris Perry, Captain Dan (he’s not the captain) and Grimesy all regulars to the mighty 4s and sorely missed, but we battled through none-the-less. It wasn’t helped by the late theft of the ever reliable Footspa at the last minute....
The awesome (and much missed) Paul J Martell was also on hand for his first run-out of the season.
10 men it was then, but with stand in Captain, Ready at the rudder of the 4s defence we could already smell victory. The warm up this week was pretty much non existent. A suggestion from Davros of ‘ lets run the width of the pitch a few times’ was miss interpreted by Captain Ready who decided that a ‘few’ times was not enough and rounded it up to 5. With his giant gazelle like strides, Ready had done 10 before the rest of us had got going.
The game got underway and our pre discussed tactic of not telling the opposition we only had 10, so as not to give them a confidence boost, was immediately disrupted as we didn’t take into consideration the fact that they could count!! This proved to be our undoing as Littlehampton moved the ball well and took the lead after 10 minutes with what was in fairness, a decent strike from the top of the D into the bottom corner. 1-0 down with 10 men, things weren’t looking too pretty and it felt strange to be behind for a change. This wasn’t to last however, as Brighton piled on the pressure with an onslaught on Littlehampton’s goal and we won a number of short corners. The always on form Smithy decided to show us all in the warm up he was actually pretty good at drag flicking from short corner’s so he came close on a couple of occasions. What else is he hiding up his sleeve? He’s actually a natural blonde perhaps?
After a number of dodgy decisions from a pair of women umpires, yes women umpires, we were finally awarded a P-flick as the keeper kept purposely killing the ball. As we had missed too many flicks in the past, a few of us were fairly reluctant to take it but the rule of, ‘player who wins the flick is the player who takes it’ meant Tosh stepped up to show us all how it’s done. An easy push to the bottom right of the goal was enough, not as clinical as we hoped but a goal’s a goal and we were right back in the match.
Half time was fast approaching but there was enough time for more Brighton attacks. A passing move in the middle of the pitch found its way out to the left hand side where Smithy was relishing the extra space and freedom to roam. He brought the ball to the back line and played a square pass across the keeper for the on-rushing Benson to add a glancing touch that sneaked in just inside the post. 2-1, and this prompted Littlehampton to start squabbling amongst one another. A strange blow on the whistle from the woman umpire apparently meant it was half time.
With a lot of heavy breathing at half time (mainly from me) we felt confident this game was ours for the taking. Not content with the company of his fellow team mates, Wrighty quickly left the pitch to pay some attention to the lovely Mrs. Wrighty who had come to cheer on her little hero. A quick kiss and cuddle later and Wrighty kindly re-joined us with his stick conveniently placed over his crotch to conceal his excitement from the half time lovin’. The rejuvenated Wrighty upped his game in the second half with a familiar determination to get on the score sheet. Maybe we should all get our other halves to come and support us or even ask the women umpires.
The second half got underway and Brighton started where we left off. With Benson and Davros running riot upfront terrorizing their defence, Benson quickly added his second, Brighton’s third. We looked a lot more comfortable by this point and more Littlehampton arguments gave us a further boost. High fives all round [especially from myself and fellow midfielder Matt who were high fiving like drunken Americans at a Barak Obama election party] and an unfit and tired looking Hampton, had all but given up.
More domination in the middle of the pitch and some silky skills form Tosh on the right, led to Benson completing his hat-trick after some good work from Davros turning supplier once more. 4-1, Good times!!! The embarrassment was getting too much for Hampton who couldn’t understand how we were getting so much time and space with only 10 men. “That does it, I’ve had enough!” exclaimed their number 7, like a big girl’s blouse, and he promptly walked off the pitch. This only made us feel better and we kept up the pressure.
The game had until the last 10 minutes, been played in good spirit with some much needed and appreciated honesty from both sides helping the game flow. Smithy however, decided it was no more Mr. Nice guy and after being blow up for a controversial foul on the edge of our D he picked up the ball and frustratingly threw the ball back at the Hampton player who managed to block it with his stick. This prompted him to walk towards Smithy only to shake his hand!?! What would he have done if Smithy had actually hit him?, who knows but it might have looked something like Mr. and Mrs. Wrighty’s half time sexy shenanigans…
With full time approaching, there was enough time for Brighton to make it 5. After being the victim of an atrocious tackle inside the D we won another short corner. A slip ball to the right gave Benson time and space to pick out an easy square ball to the excellent Dobinator on the penalty spot, who expertly/ luckily finished to the glorious sound of the ball hitting the back board. 5-1 and the full time whistle sounded. Three cheers all round and some reluctant handshakes from Hampton as they were still too busy blaming each other for the defeat.
Summary:
• 10 men Brighton are Victorious.
• Tosh scores a flick.
• Benson gets a hat-trick.
• Wrighty makes sweet love at half time.
• Littlehampton love to argue.
• Smithy can drag flick.
• We have to get the train home.
Team: Matt Squires, Smithy, Ready, Paul Martell, Mr. Lover man Wrighty, The Dobinator, Matt Bananaman, Tosh, Benson, Davros.
Goals:
Benson x 3
Tosh x 1
The Dobinator x 1
Man of the match: The Dobinator. Why?... Because I can!!!
WD
Captain’s Epilogue:
(So you think!!) Brooksy here (after a con-flab with Skipper Ready) we have decided that Benson is deserving of the man of the match crown for his hat-trick. (Never abuse your power Dobson!)
DOD? Has to be Dobson for not knowing the team and asking me (who wasn’t there) who was playing and thinking that Matt Harding did!? I didn’t notice any two-inch-tap-ins so he can’t have been playing!