Match Reports
21/02/09
Crowborough 2s 2-8 Men's 4th XI
A top of the table clash again between the two titans of Sussex Division 1. A true six pointer with the gap at the top of the table at 8 points a win for Crowborough would see them come to within 5 points of the top spot but a win for Brighton would propel them into an almost unassailable 11 point lead.
With Tosh returning and JC responding well to RICE and passing a fitness test (that sounds a lot more thorough than it actually was) it was a very attack minded line up. With Grimesy continuing in defence as sweeper, in the absence of Perry, we knew there would be a resolute defensive edge. Vanilla Ice was also there but as he’d “warmed” up watching the 3s before hand it was questionable whether the lad would have passed a breath test. This was in evident with some comically bad stick tackles.
We were also missing Bondy but thankfully the symposium warm up was cerebral enough with Tosh wading in with some random and mumbled profanity.
The game began and very quickly, despite the clement weather, into a rather inclement argument fest. To be fair the majority of this seemed to come from Crowborough’s skipper who was very aggressive to everyone on the pitch and no less so to his own players, but more of that later. This aggressiveness pervaded all elements of the game and at times it threatened to spill over. A quick yellow card flashed by Begs and a firm hand was placed on the rudder and some hockey could be played.
I use this word a lot but Smithy was on imperious form and back to his best at left back tackling, harrying and showing skills that belie his position on the park. JC was also able to get his “wobble-on” after last weeks disappointment and we began to run rings around them and apply some serious pressure. The pressure finally gave a Davros was able to take the lead. Benson tried to steal it on the line but Sussex Mens League Division 1 Goal Adjucation Board (chaired by Davros) decided that Benson did not get the decisive touch and as Benson had not turned up to the hearing the goal was awarded to Davros. Someone did score and Benson also had the chance to extend the lead with a penalty flick. Sadly, the flick was excellently saved by the Crowborough keeper (who had an outstanding game).
Vanilla Ice finally scored the third towards the end of the first half but as he celebrated he was immediately substituted in a moment of high amusement. Sorry Vanilla.
There was time for Crowborough to regain some hold on the game when a shot was half saved by me and then by Ready and then by Ready’s foot on the line. A penalty flick dispatched. 3-1.
Half time was, happily, smut free and we could concentrate on hammering home our advantage.
Within moments of the restart Davros showed his commitment to the cause after a wonderful flowing movement was finished by a full length dive at the back post restore the three goal lead.
With the game surely out of their reach things got fractious again. Benson found himself yellow carded for some afters but the Crowborough skipper was not finished. He not only admonished one of his own players for a bad pass and for the player criticising him but subbing him with the immortal scream of “Off! Off! Off!” the poor bloke was crestfallen. As things got more a more verbal he suggested that his players “Don’t degrade the game by getting involved.” This moment of extreme hypocrisy did not go unmissed (but possibly misquoted here, sorry) with much hilarity. Suffice to say the whining and moaning didn’t end at the final whistle. Anyway, back to the game.
Benson finally got on the score sheet and JC finally got some time in the D to roof one.
Crowborough did score another bizarre goal where the shot deflected off two Brighton sticks in some kind of crazy pin-ball goal. Smithy with the first and Grimesy with the second, they celebrated their amazing feet with a cracking high 5.
With the game all but Davros also conspired to take one of the worst p flicks ever seen. Serious jug avoidance that one!
So an 8-1 victory and incident packed match. In the bar chairman Davros organised the voting for man of the match, which went to the excellent Grimes. Special captains mentions to Simpson and Smithy for consistently outstanding displays. The Leaping Fish of Dexterity Award went to Vanilla Ice who admitted to me in the bar that he would have failed a breathalyser test.
In summary then:
Two missed flicks
Own goal from Grimesy marring his great game
Sendings off, two
Heated debates
Goals galore
One scored flick
The wobbler JC roofing one
Another Smithy master-class
Heavy breathing from tired Dobson
An attempt to steal a goal by Benson
The Ice playing under the influence
Two for young Davros, including is diving effort
Ready not falling over
Ice being the magic ingredient in JC’s recovery
Crestfallen opposition players
Kaiser Brooks leading his troops to glory again!
I think that’s it, don’t think I’ve missed anything….
If you know what an acrostic is (it isn’t a type of French bread) then you can read that too.
Thanks to Begs and Potter for umpiring an, at times, fractious encounter. Much appreciated. Also thanks to Wappy for the piece of paper.
Team: Brooksy, Grimesy, Wrighty, Ready, Smithy, Captain Dan, JC, The Dobinator, Tosh, Vanilla Ice, Benson and Davros
Goals:
Davros 2
Benson 1
Vanilla Ice 1
Tosh 3 Oh god have I forgotten to mention it?? Is there room left to report it…?
DB