Match Reports
14/02/09
Penguins 2s 0-0 Men's 4th XI
Penguin 2s 0 - Brighton 4s 0
Love is in the air, can’t you feel it all around? Love is in the air, every sight and every sound. Love is in the air!!! Love is in the air!!!!
Love was certainly in the air. I arrived alone and looking for companionship. The hunky Dobinator turned up next and we changed together at pitchside… .
Our two soon become ten as Captain Dan (he’s not the captain) arrived with a collection of other young bucks. Davros also arrived but not sure he’d got the memo and brought Mrs Davros with him. That knocked a few of the boys off their stride, but we can roll with this kind of thing. You just have to be open minded.
JC was delayed but he soon arrived. Sadly Mullens was waylaid which meant the new award “The Leaping Salmon of Dexterity” would have to be fought amongst by the rest of the boys. Any other day Mullens would have been a shoe in for that one.
With the game under way we could finally get on with some serious speed dating with the oppo. Their centre forward was immediately very chatty. I thought he had taken a shine to me by tapping my pads after I’d made a scuffed save. (Is there another kind?) However, barely moments later I saw him whispering into Chris Perry’s ear. Tart!
Disaster also struck as JC must have over exerted himself and pulled an upper leg muscle. Without a sub he was forced to prowl the pitch up front.
Despite this we enjoyed the bulk of possession, with young Grimes looking excellent on the ball ably supported by a re-surge-ent Dobinator.
Smithy was also in the less than familiar position of right back and showed his pace and agility on numerous occasions.
With chances few and far between Penguins began to threaten on the break I managed to save from a short corner but a goal mouth scramble shortly after ended with Perry getting his foot on the ball, it wasn’t going in but the umpire saw otherwise and gave the p.flick.
The tease from earlier stepped up to take the flick, I felt his hot breath on my neck as he whispered into my ear “I hope you miss it!” I wasn’t sure what he was referring to as I am so naïve but I’m sure it was smutty.
I positioned myself and he positioned himself…. The flick was pushed, happily it was limp and weak and I was able to palm it away… He mentioned later that he’s normally better than that and that was the first time it had happened it ages… yeah yeah.
Half time came with a lot of puffing from the midfield but confidence was still high that the chances would come. JC was still limping and then Bondy made a suggestion the like of which I haven’t heard of before. He suggested a group effort to alleviate the pain in his leg. JC wasn’t keen and a search on the internet has confirmed that RICE is possibly the best option not what Bondy said. What Bondy said has, as far as I can ascertain, no basis in medical fact whatsovever.
The second half continued in the same pattern with us all over them but nothing doing. Penguins made a few breaks and half chances but the defence held firm.
The game drew to a close but not before Ready actually spent 10 minutes standing up rather than the default position of laying on the floor. Shocking! He did do one of the best falls in Ready history as well. Legs and arms everywhere, beautiful. Dobson tried to replicate it but he has a lot to learn. He came down very hard. If you’re playing on the pitch later this year watch out for the hole he left. Well when I say hole I of course mean crater. Ready also got very close to their equivalent sized striker. Two giants hugging, tumbling and rolling together. It wasn’t too dissimilar to the scene in front of the fire place in “Women in Love”.
The final whistle blew and we had three short corners in quick succession after the whistle, none of which were converted. Disappointing.
I should mention that Ready moaned that last weeks game was boring, all I can say is, be careful what you complain about.
To be honest I’m still in shock that we kept a clean sheet and failed to score. Those things don’t normally happen. I am predicting a 7-4 return to form next week!
Thanks to Alan Grey for blowing for us.
In the bar afterwards I won the inaugural “Sexy Slinky of Skill”. Thank you, democracy is a beautiful thing. I played with it happily all weekend. The Dobinator was also the surprise winner of the “Leaping Salmon of Dextrity” for his Read-esque effort.
I think we are all looking forward to the rematch…..
Team: Brooksy, Perry, Grimesy, Ready, Smithy, Simpson, Dobinator, Bondy, Davros, JC and Benson.