Match Reports
15/11/08
Littlehampton 1s 3-7 Men's 4th XI
I don’t want to sound like a whiner or a moaner but the last week was an absolute nightmare for captains. Hehir would probably have the march on me in the complaining stakes but the absence of a three’s match report gives me the chance to moan.
We seemed to have a massive player shortage and a plague of bad lack. I was so close to reuniting the brothers (Nash, Captain Dan and I) but sadly a family matter robbed us of Nash, another time I hope. JC was also unable to make it as he was doing some needle work or something. All I know it something was going through the eye of a needle….
With Smithy also going awol I looked around to see nine men ready to take on The Little Hamptons. Some fevered phone calls and attempts to chat up random players ended up with me sidling up to Jolyon vans Agnew who was loitering with the flippers. Vanilla Ice was also able to rustle up Brad. This would have been quicker if Vanilla didn’t have some kind of yoof inspired aversion to talking to people on the telephone, preferring instead to text. Kids these days, I don’t know!
The Little Hamptons looked good for the opening few moments and stretched the defence a little. However, with only ten men that wasn’t going to difficult. I was equal to a couple of efforts, amazing I know. I wouldn’t believe it myself but I saw them, for a change. The defence was looking a little confused and I think we were playing a 1 2 1 2 3 formation, not advised.
Brad finally arrived sporting a superman t-shirt. They weren’t happy… playing 11. However, we eased off the accelerator and The Little Hampton’s took the lead. Their goal was immediately rubbed out by the resurgent Davros. A Rose Rocket gave us the lead but the oppo got another scrambled one back. The lead was restored again but with the first half ticking away and Vanilla Ice discovering he has a hole in his stick which meant that they were able to equalise following his air swipe.
A moment of inspiration from Bondy resulted in Ben Williams being utilised as defensive midfielder, a role he occupied with exceptional ability yet again. We did not concede with “The Rock” in that position.
The half time team talk was short and sweet and we knew we had the beating of these boys.
The second half was a tight affair but The Little Hampton’s rarely threatened the goal again. Wappy arrived with his girls’ team and was distraught to find we were drawing and believed that the dream was over, as we have to win every game. Oh ye of little faith.
The pressure was building and building and finally it gave with an avalanche of four goals in the last fifteen minutes. Davros was able to end up with four (one was a classic deft flick which obviously on purpose) and Brad getting a fourth team debut hat-trick. The team also discussed having an embargo on passes to Will Selby who was unfortunate not to have a couple of goals himself, harsh!
There was also time for the oppo skipper to collapse with a lung problem which meant he was rushed to hospital, he was spotted in the bar afterward but we all send our best to him.
Jolyon was also able to get under the skin of the oppo for two reasons, one for using the vet’s mantra of “the ball may pass me and the player may pass me but rarely will both together”, to a wonderful level. We all saw great use of the feet and stick to antagonise and irritate. Good Work. At one such incident the excuse of Jolyon’s age was used as a reason for his stick entering the oppo’s shorts (which Jolyon denied). That is clearly ageist and I’ll have none of that on my team, especially when two Vets players are running out for us.
Special mention must be given to Davros who finally played in his preferred role of right half and proved him self to be a changed man. As you can see he even scored some goals. He never did that when he was upfront for all those years. Due to the errant players Captain Dan was also forced to play at right back and again proved himself capable of doing a job for the team. Thank you from us all!
So a few extra quick thanks to Jolyon and Brad for helping us out at short notice. Thanks to John Colban and Myles for good umpiring and thanks to the Little Hamptons who sportingly came back to the club for a beer and a natter.
It was also pointed out to me this week that I failed to mention a crucial part of last week’s game. You will recall that Yann had a blinder, you may not know that this was motivated by an urge to poo that he could not satisfy. This was due to the toilet being blocked (we suspect by a Laurie bog-buster). Good advice for the kids though, if you want to play like Yann become anally retentive, literally!
Team: Brooksy, Captain Dan (he isn’t the captain), Ready, Perry, Jo V-A, Vanilla Ice, Bondy, Davros, Williams Whippet, Will Selby and Rose.
Goals from:
Davros x 4
Rose x 3