Match Reports
08/03/08
Worthing 5s 0-7 Men's Brighton Rocks XI
Kobe Sings the Rocks !!!
The Rocks assembled in a warm clubhouse on a miserable Saturday in preparation of a tough game which could deliver them the league title. Such was the anticipation that Thompo strolling in at 2:31pm was the last to arrive and was suitably greeted with some witty remark from Wappy or Kobe about his tardiness. What’s wrong with the youth of the day
don’t they know they are supposed to be late !!?? The Rocks set off in various cars for the short trip to Worthing and due to Wappy envoking the Halisham directive about pre-match preparation, Rocks arrived at St Andrews to see the 5s still in the first half labouring 2-0 down against an average Worthing 4s. Thompo’s panic about the non-appearance of Wappy’s car was soon quelled as Wappy arrived via Durrington. He had evidently gone via Durrington to “pick up a Penguin or two” to watch their remaining hopes of the league title crushed like England’s 6 Nations hopes were about to be.
Fact : Keiran Pele’ has denim tracksuit bottoms.
The team now assembled to spur on the 5s in their quest to finish a presentable 4th in League One. Soon Worthing 4s fell into all sorts of panic due to the vocal support given to the 5s from the Rocks. Such was the intensity of this, was that momentarily disorientated they allowed Ramzy to push home his first goal of the season and to challenge Harding and Scrivens to the “who can score from the least number of nanometres away from the goal” title. The team noted a second goal during their warm up. Note to the youngsters about warm ups - Warm ups are as it says on the tin, they’re not a race so the fact that Thompo struggles to keep up doesn’t mean he is the most unfit in the team (That’s debatable
, well I suppose there is Kobe and the Silver Fox to challenge
- Ed.) Andy Stewart yet again decided that cracking mix of Girls Aloud and Sugarbabes on his IPod was preferable to listening to Myles and Wappy. Did it work ? We’ll find out later
Meanwhile
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Fact : Mo King spends longer in the loo prematch than Wappy
The game started with the Silver Fox and Pele on the bench, much to Pele’s disgust. The constant cold rain caused Thompo to believe it was acceptable to wear gloves in a Thierry Henry stylee, unfortunately there were no skills to match apart from the inevitable foot meeting ball moment ! Worthing were immediately on the back foot with the Rocks whizzing the ball around with Championship winning hockey. If the youngsters have learnt anything about playing hockey with a top class player like Wappy, it’s if you’re going to switch off prepare to be shouted at very very loud !! Anyway gradually the Rocks took a firm grip of the game, creating chance after chance that went begging. Eventually the pressure told with Kurt, Alex Coyle and in da mix’ Andy Stewart all getting goals
Fact : Ben Ota sports a very flowery head scarf
Three nil up at half time and it just felt that the Rollin’ Rocks juggernaut was inevitably inching closer to the title. In fact there was almost an air of anti-climax as it seemed there was no way back for Worthing. This was no game for the neutral or Worthing and due to such inclement weather, a paltry crowd had turned up to watch the game, even smaller than expected as the 5s decided not to return the favour and weep into their beer and to play the truth game with Ramzy instead ! Or perhaps they had sensed it was to be there was to be no FA Cup 1979, no 1989 League Championship, 1992 League Championship or 2005 Edgbaston Ashes Test last minute excitement.
Fact : Alex Coyle lost to Thompo in the 100 x 1 mile challenge last May and he thinks this makes him fit enough to play 2s next season !
Well the second half continued in the same vein as the first half with chance after chance mostly being squandered although the Rocks did manage to find another 4 goals. This included Alex Coyle finally converting a flick and “fiddy cent” Stewart scoring straight from the push back of his previous goal. Pele even found time to release all that pent up anger with a stick tossing moment even though he had won a short. The game progessed inevitably toward the final whistle with more chance going begging. Even the surging runs of “the Beef” and Thompo couldn’t convert any of these.
The final whistle came and after the pleasantries with the oppo, the team assembled for a post mortem which mainly consisted of “Guys ! you do realise that cos we miss so many chances today we will have to score 11 next week to reach 100”. A tall order indeed especially as Wappy is rumoured to be in goal
Suddenly Kobe refocused everyone with a chant of Champions ! The team descended into a flurry of congratulations and blurred photos ! The team then retired to the Worthing clubhouse to be well provided for with pipping hot showers and a well stocked tea table and a celebratory bowl of soup.
However there was to be no huge celebrations for some, as a number of personnel were required for soiree duty in West and Mid Sussex. But I’m sure at a later date that will be rectified with interest !!
Fact : Thompo has left his stick, (sorry Wappy’s !!!!), more times on the side of the pitch than he has scored goals .. .and that’s a lot !
The Rocks have mainly consisted of Kobe, Mo King, Thompo, Phil “The Power” Yates, Alex Coyle, Jamie Morris, Jack Poulter, Kurt, Andy “In da house” Stewart, Matt “Physics is Fun !” Commin, Ben Ota, Alex “Dutchy” Wonder, Kieran “Hockey Pele”, Will “ Frog in a blender” Hall-Smith and couple of great guest appearances from James Callaway including a hatrick in his second game and Big Rob who also got a hatrick in couple of appearances.
No mention would be complete without our Sergeant Major and Guru, Wappy who has moulded the side into a potent unit and provided great coaching through out, Unfortunately the over 30s in the team weren’t able to put it into practice !
Quote from Kobe at start of the season - “There are a lot of good teams in this league. You will do well to finish mid table”. Surely he needs to buy the team a jug for that comment !
One thing left to say
.. CHAMPIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!