Match Reports
01/03/08
Chichester Cardinals 0-7 Men's Brighton Rocks XI
It’ll be all over when the Fat Kobe sings …….
It is believed he is currently warming up his vocal chords in his new role as Dulux Dog trainer and is nearly ready !
The Rocks congregated at Deason on a fine sunny Saturday afternoon to get ever nearer to that title with a tricky fixture against Chichester awaiting. The team missing the stalwart Mo “Silver Fox in the Box” King who was away filming a German Comedy show in Devon, I kid you not !!!, assembled on the top pitch deciding to forgo the prospect of pre-match entertainment of watching College skippering the 5s. Instead they decided to chat like a bunch of women whilst watching Wappy trying to do an impression of an umpire but instead looking like he was directing traffic around road works.
After a stirring warm up by the “Kobe” everyone was in the zone including our Northern Irish friend who decided he would get more prematch motivation from a Britney/Christina mix rather the Kobe’s powerful rantings.
Wappy appeared having blown the final whistle for the Ladies and was in a surprisingly good mood, he even pleasantly acknowledged Thompo !! However he was soon back to his own self giving us another team talk and disappointing several players in his selection of positions for them. Kobe thinking he had done enough to retain the sweepers shirt from the previous week was bluntly told where to go and Thompo’s sigh when being give the left back role was swiftly rebuked with “Thompo, don’t think by playing rubbish there again will get you back into the midfield”
The game started with Brighton dominating from the start with the midfield of Phil “The Power” Yates, our Irish friend and pint sized Alex running the show with Sergeant Major Wappy barking orders. Kurt the prodigal son returned to the attack at straight away made an impact with his darting runs. We didn’t have to wait long before controversy struck with the Chichester skipper deciding that he didn’t need to return to the halfway line at short corners. Instead he prefered to shout, “Umpire ! You stop him dipping! and I’ll stay on the line !” in a very College-esque manner. Wappy not wanting to be outdone decided to get involved with some rant of one sort or another ! The Chichester skipper ranted very well but up against the Roger Federer of ranting, there was only ever going to be one result !
Anyway the half continued with Kurt on his return knocking in a couple and 3-0 was a satisfactory half time score …. Well not to the broken record that is Wappy. “Guy’s …. Can I just say one thing ……”, well that was a lie for starters !, “…. can we stopping being all airy fairy in the ‘D’. Win something or hit the post ….. for goodness sake we should have had 20 !”
The game resumed with the inevitable mixture on one way traffic apart from the odd moment at panic at the back, mainly caused by some day dreaming at the back. Usually it was either Kobe dreaming that one day he could be a sweeper. Thompo dreaming of his days when he played in a higher team than Ramzy or Jamie dreaming of getting a stylish hair do ! Luckily Wappy was on hand at every occasion except right at the death when Matt “I read Physics for fun” Commin was on hand to touch the ball once. At £6 a touch he’s a better bargain than the Seagulls latest acquisition.
The game descended into a feisty little affair but the Rocks had produced one of their best performances to win at 7-0. Can’t really remember who scored but I believe Kurt did, “in the zone” Irish Andy probably did and oh yes one of Wappy 6 attempts at goal found it’s way into the net. However that still leaves him 5 behind Thompo !!! (Fact is truer that fiction !)