Match Reports
23/02/08
Lewes 1-5 Men's 1st XI
Wimbledon beating Liverpool 1-0 in the 1988 FA Cup Final. The 1981 Headingly Test. Buster Douglas knocking out Mike Tyson. Devon Loch belly-flopping when in sight of the winning post in the 1956 Grand National.
Keith Deller beating Bristow in the 1983 Embassy World Final. Goran Ivanisevic winning Wimbledon after a sentimental wild-card entry. All great sporting shocks and two more can be added to that list - Brighton scoring three short corners in one game and Sam Forster getting on the score sheet.
These momentous occasions both occurred during Brighton's 5-1 win at Lewes that keeps alive their survival hopes.
Brighton made the short trip to Lewes on the back of a disappointing 3-2 home defeat against Oxford University but the impressive second half showing in that game gave Brighton hope that they could get the three points needed if they are to stay in South Premier Division One. The home side had opted for an 11:45am start, no doubt in the belief that Sam Forster and Tom Langston would not only still be hung over at that time, but probably still drinking. Lewes propped up the table and needed a miracle to stay up but Lewes-Brighton games are always competitive and the home side knew they could put a dent in Brighton's survival hopes.
The pre-match atmosphere was tense in the Brighton camp, with Forster having been recalled at the expense of Simon Acott. This move seemed to effect Andrew Acott, who not only lost his brother to the 2's but the telepathic ginger-connection had been broken. Many thought that Hugh Salter could take over Simon's role as the team's other ginger, but Salter's protests that he is in fact strawberry-blonde left Acott on his own and it was no surprise when later he failed to find the target. A frustrated Ben Butlin was left on the bench for the first time this season, his only consolation being that Lewes have some nice dugouts.
Not for the first time this year, the game started with Brighton looking like they have never seen a hockey pitch and it came as no surprise when Lewes took the lead in the first 5 minutes after 3 Brighton players had missed the ball and Richard Baker decided to let the centre forward have a free shot. Brighton struggled to mark and Russell Perkins was confused as to who he should be picking up. This may have been due to the traumatic incident in the changing room when he caught Forster staring at his genitals when he was taping them up. Salter was meant to be playing behind the defence but he struggled to understand what "behind" meant. This came as a surprise to everybody as the previous week he had a lot of practice being behind, trailing behind most of the field and a massive 7 minutes behind Butlin in the Sussex Beacon Half-Marathon. Simon Turner comprehensively beat both of them, showing that he made the most of his free-time during his 3-week suspension.
Thankfully master tactician Bram van Asselt was on the side of the pitch for the second week running and once again he applied his magic touch. One of his first decisions was to ask Kevin Browne to make a Conservative Party-esque switch from the right wing to the centre ground, and although Browne eventually obliged his initial reluctance shows that perhaps he favours a Norman Tebbit-esque stance. Politics aside, Brighton began to stamp their authority on the game and drew level when their new short corner policy of "let Gaz give it a whack" paid dividends when Gareth Lendrum smashed one into the bottom right corner with a helpful deflection off a defender's stick. If short corner goals in successive games was a shock, imagine everyone's surprise when on the stroke of half-time Lendrum smashed home another short corner, this time into the bottom left corner, for a deserved half-time lead.
The second half was dominated by Brighton and Lendrum completed his hat-trick of short corner goals when he fired the ball past the keeper's right foot. His revolutionary new training technique of hitting tennis balls had paid off. Butlin might not have agreed as he was the aforementioned target of the tennis balls and was hit twice on the back.
Lendrum obviously felt guilty about hurting Butlin during training and seeing Butlin wallowing on the bench and feeling he was not going to get on, Lendrum decided to make a heavy challenge and spend some time in the sin-bin, a move that saw Butlin brought on to shore up the midfield.
Lendrum could not help get Turbo brought back on, as at half-time Bram had decided Turbo was incapable of standing up on the slippy Lewes pitch.
Turbo's application for the next series of "Dancing On Ice" was subsequently rejected.
Brighton continued to press forward and a fourth goal was added when Matt McNeill found space in the D and fired a shot high past the keeper's right glove to sew up the points. By this stage, Lendrum was now back on and with a sumptuous pass found Forster in acres of space and a clear run on goal.
Last season Forster was voted in the top 12 right-backs in the league but this year he has found himself in the unfamiliar role of playing up-front and had yet to register a goal. Now was his chance, clear through and no defenders in sight. The players and large crowd of some 15 or 20 spectators wondered what he would do - would he use pace, would he use skill, would he throw a dummy. Forster answered these questions when he did his own unique technique of running in a straight line straight at the keeper and slowing down to let a covering defender catch up. However, just when everyone thought the chance had gone, he cut back to the left, wrong-footing the keeper, and fired a reverse stick shot into the centre of the goal. Forster was ecstatic and finally got a chance to perform his "Soulja Boy" dance in celebration, proving that all those weeks spent perfecting the dance at training when he was supposed to be listening had been worth it. Langston was meant to have joined in, but he seemed so relieved that he had not spent the whole game getting beaten by a right-winger that he did not run to join in.
The game was complete, and despite Lendrum doing a "Hugh" and passing straight to the opposition centre forward Brighton were rarely troubled and took a vital 3 points in their battle for survival. Next up are Purley Walcountians who lie one point above Brighton after an impressive run of form that has seen them win 3 in a row, including becoming the first side since Christmas to beat Staines. Despite the excellence of Lewes's teas, where you get to choose from a menu, and some of Brighton's players having the fleeting-thought of relegation to enjoy them again next season, the players are determined to avoid the drop and know they need to pick up a vital 3 points against Purley.
Next week throws up more questions. Will Butlin lose again to Acott on the green baize? Will Neil Burlinson get his usual place in the dressing room?
Will it make a blind bit of difference? Will Messiah Bram turn up for a third match in a row? Can Ben "Steven Gerrard" Butlin and Simon "Frank Lampard" Turner play in the same team? Will Forster discover just why Perkins tapes up his privates? Will a new celebration be seen? Will Turbo be able to stand-up? Will the "strawberry-blonde" Salter admit he's ginger to help Andrew Acott get over his loneliness?
As Billy Ocean would say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going and on Saturday Brighton will need to get going as they continue their fight against relegation.